Tell Me How…

Tell me how to be a woman.

They write how to’s on the pages of fine manners manuals

Etch the principle of what it means to be feminine in the crevices of acceptable society meanwhile suppressing the very gifts that make womanhood extraordinary.

Tell me to speak when necessary but be quiet when he’s talking.

Help him to succeed, lead, be, all the while taking every spoken opinion smashing it between your fingers and tossing it into the “anything that makes me feel less of a man” bin.

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll tell you how to loose your life.

To bear the burden of being inviting but not intimidating .

Be polite but don’t lead him on.

Constantly doing a two step on the line of just trying to be nice and I really just  want to say “no”

But God forbid we say “no” because we all know what “no” can do to a fragile ego.

And I’m just trying to make it home without a story to tell, or trip to the emergency room, or a rape kit, or a toe tag.

I’m just trying to enjoy my day without being cat called, or followed in the store, and mall, and parking lot.

Without having to act like I’m on my phone just so you will leave me alone or find another target.

Without being the target of your rage because mama made you her man and daddy was an absent man so how could he possibly give you the game on the very thing he was trying to stumble his way through.

I don’t blame you.

But you burden me.

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll tell you how to carry the weight of the world.

Expected to make the house you built a home.

But what if the foundation is compromised?

Trying to fill the voids with love and peace all the while filling the cracks in the walls with excuses because he said he wouldn’t do it again.

Hosting dinners in a living room that lies empty on most days because we’re just trying to survive.

To keep my head above water but when you come home the weight of your burdens push me under.

And I dare not toss your pain to the side because, black man, I know the world gives you no hand outs but the expectation to carry your load and mine is more than God’s intended design.

To be lifter of your head and peace in troubled waters all while trying to settle the storm raging in my own mind.

Making meals from mere scratch, finding solutions where there would be none.

Playing mediator and negotiator. Comforter and counsel.

Marveling at the strength that God provides to do the unthinkable before you even notice what I was able to do.

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll point you to the scriptures that tell you how to be a man because the audacity of you to give me instruction on something you will never experience.

Something you will never carry.

A weight you will never bare.

A fear you will never have to learn to become acquainted with.

To be a woman is to know fear.

Fear that your body will never be legally your own because men and women of misogynistic religion sit around round tables and decide what I can do with my body as if these aren’t the very bodies that are responsible for the formation of your bodies that could never handle the assault that we consistently experience on our bodies if you were subjected to it.

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll tell you how to live in card board boxes.

How to fit your desires into the confines of compact bins as to not be to demanding because the world is heavy enough.

Show you how to refine your words so they are digestible, your needs so they are accommodating, and your gifts so they fit only in the spaces that are provided.

Learn to live life out of cardboard boxes for fear of taking up too much space.

For fear of being rejected.

For fear of being too much, too loud, too opinionated, to aggressive, to ambitious because like they say “it’s a privilege that you’re even in the room.”

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll show you how to be strong.

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll show you how to beat the odds.

How to be resilient when they expect you to stay down.

How to be defiant when they expect you to be accommodating.

How to be compassionate in the face of their arrogance.

How to stand firm when you’re expected to fold.

How to show up when they won’t make space.

How to make noise when they are determined to speak over you.

How to stack the chips when they refuse to provide resources.

How to be a success in the board room when they use motherhood against you.

How to open doors when you had to come in through the window.

How to preach the gospel to the congregation when they only want your funds from the pews.

How to lead the organizations when they contradict you capabilities in the streets.

Tell me how to be a woman and I’ll show you how to be a woman.