Digestible Emotions

Life has taught us that there are a limited number of emotions that are sociably acceptable for the human to exhibit. They are what I like to refer to as the digestible emotions. These are the ones that are easily explainable and guilt free These emotions are the ones that are often self-serving and justified by the everyday experiences of our life or the pain of our past traumas.

What are some of those digestible traumas you might ask?

Let’s start with the most common of the bunch. Joy.

Joy is an emotion that is, often, felt constantly. There are many variations of joy such as, happiness, bliss, and even exuberance if you want to put a little razzle dazzle on the emotional label. But, I think we can all agree that joy, no matter the description, is one of those emotions that no one finds issue with. We are encouraged to find joy in every area of our lives because it is believed to result in the best life possible. Religions across the spectrum often encourage its followers to find joy, happiness, some sort of blissful satisfaction in their lives because this will often make them a better believer of the faith. Joy is an emotion that no one shy’s away from willfully.

Anger, on the other hand, has a polarizing reaction.

Anger, although reoccurring in our society, is not very pleasant. It often results in altercations, disdain, division, and if not handled properly, bodily harm. It is an emotion that is frowned upon but frequented. One would think that because of its questionable character it would not be so widely practiced but, I believe, because of its immensely self-gratifying nature It remains to be one of the “digestible” emotions. If we look at anger from a bird’s eye view, we will find it can be colored with many lighter strokes like frustration, irritation, or even annoyance which is probably my favorite out of the anger bunch. But no matter how you color it, the baseline emotion will be anger. Interestingly enough, the root cause of this expressed anger is, often, hurt caused by some sort of self-perceived grievance or external trauma. Hence the reason why anger is one of the digestible ones. Anger gives us a means to cause harm to those who harmed us or anyone or anything who resembles the previously acknowledged or unacknowledged hurt. Anger is digestible, acceptable, and widely practiced because it is excessively self-gratifying.

But see I have found myself wading in the pool of the indigestible.

The unacceptable.

The outcast of emotions.

I have recently discovered that I have become quite comfortable with Jealousy.

Cue the ominous music.

Jealousy, an emotion that even the holy word takes issue with. An emotion that our parents taught us was useless and self-destructive. An emotion that society deems self- sabotaging and social media houses but doesn’t dare discuss. Jealousy has been visiting my home for a little and I haven’t quite shown it the door yet. I will not let it get cozy on the couch or even find residence in a spare room, but I have been entertaining him for a little now. Made him a cup of coffee and opened my ear for some inquisitive conversation.

See to me, jealousy, although not socially acceptable is actually quite fascinating once you get to know him. I’ve found that the conversation is quite enlightening, and he provides some great insight if you are willing to sit and listen. If you are willing to grab a cup, take a seat beside him at the table and lower your misconceptions you might find that he is not as intimidating or useless as we are led to believe.

I was willing to.

After he kept knocking on my door day after day.

I mean he wasn’t pushy or impolite. He just was consistent.

Told me he was invited… by my uncertainty.

So, I let him in.  I think my curiosity was peeked and if I’m honest, the longer I held him off the more confused I felt because I didn’t know why he kept coming. Kept knocking.

So, I let him in. Told him he couldn’t stay long but I was open to having a conversation and to my surprise, that conversation changed me completely.

See jealousy, although considered indigestible is one of those emotions that is overindulged on. It’s one of those emotions that serves a purpose but is often mishandled. We frequently see jealousy as something unwelcome. We assume that he only comes because we are unhappy with ourselves or because we deem ourselves incapable and in turn covet what another has. And to some degree those are correct assumptions. To some degree.

After a much needed conversation, I began to realize why jealousy had come to visit me so frequently and it wasn’t for the reasons I originally gathered. At first, I thought he had begun his journey to me because I was unhappy with my life. I thought that I had invited jealousy because I had concluded that I would not be able to accomplish or do something my heart desired and so seeing those around me walk into blessings that looked so far from me sparked jealousy’s journey. However, there is more to the story. Jealousy is not just a by-product of our insecurity. He is a tool meant for reflection.

When I freely embraced jealousy, invited him in to stay a while, I began to see that he was meant to bring about full circle moments not self-induced shame or suffering.

I was supposed to handle jealousy by first acknowledging his presence, then I was supposed to do the work to figure out why he made the trip to me and later send him on about his way.

This is why jealousy has become one of the indigestible. Instead of sending him home, we decide to give him a room and a nice bed and let him stay awhile. We feed him, clothe him, and allow him to become a part of our daily routine. Instead of treating him like the seasonal emotion God designed him to be, we label him a permanent resident. We put a perishable item in a long-term storage bin and think that it won’t do any harm in the long run, and it does. Because we don’t handle him correctly, after a while, jealousy gets comfortable and morphs into envy, hatred, and even self-loathing. Then, we label him inappropriate. When he peels back the layers and becomes uncouth and to big to handle, we call him too much, but this is nothing but a result of you mishandling the original jealousy.

Jealousy was never meant to be a house guest. Once we understand exactly how to handle jealousy, he becomes less scary and way easier to handle.

I learned that he is a tool. A reflective mirror meant to show me myself.

As I sat with jealousy at that table he talked, I listened. I talked and he listened.

By the end of our cups of coffee I began to understand that the jealousy I was experiencing was not a side effect of my being incapable and it really wasn’t a reaction to my desire to be in someone else’s shoes. If I was 15-year-old Courtney, I can say that those reasonings were absolutely true but sitting here at 25 this Jealousy was someone different. This jealousy I was experiencing was a result of my ability to do and be better. It had nothing to do with others and everything to do with what I knew I was cheating myself out of because of my lack of doing or my lack of discipline. This jealousy was sparked by what I viewed as the prosperity of others and fueled by my yearning desire to be better than what I am now.

This conversation with Jealousy, allowed me to dig out the things I know I need to be what I desire. It allows me to remain accountable so that this form of jealousy does not have to journey to me again.

That’s what this “indigestible” emotion is for.